what is it? 8:00 on Tuesday night and Im watching Pride and Prejudice for the bazillionth time and Stella is asleep snoring next to me. What do I have to say? I wonder taking caution as I imagine maybe there are dragons behind the windows chinese decorative lights pour down and paint the wall with spots of red. I was walking the dogs, we ran accross the street avoiding traffic Echo park is covered in people at sunset and the fountain hits the lake as if it were trying to be beautiful but the cigarette butts and loaves of bread decomposing in it's green murky top speak otherwise.
"You remember what it's like"
"what? Falling in love?"
"Not falling in love, just that feeling, like needing something more"
"It's been a while."
Are these accusations? I don't want to be there again I'm not sure if it's the way the air feals or the hispanic children with their ice cream looking at the white girl with her dogs and long skirt. I'm not sure of any of it.
On my patio he is smoking again but it suits him like he's not even smoking and I kiss him and curl up in his lap this is what it was I think to myself. Or In the bathroom with my sister and she's talking about Dad and I wonder when she comes if I wont be able to let her go again and she'll cry at the airport and Dad will tear up and hug her. I'm 11 again saying goodbye. Moments to bring us full circle my head fills with thoughts and questions back on my bed. Leave for home tomorrow, hopefully Keith makes roast potatoes like Dad does.
November 20 2007