cab

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

why do you stop me

Love is enough to make you stop. Why do you stop me? I like the feeling of writing all night, eating chocolate by the open window, summer night moon coating the paper as your hand sweeps it scratching messy cursive, pen bleeding into the book beneath. You realize when you're alone you can see everything and when the lights are off you don't sleep.
You put on red lipstick and drink cold beer try on everything in your closet check your phone a million times text all your friends write and write about what you think and see and dream.

I like the feeling of being together.
When he is there you become the writing. You put down the pen, the makeup. You lay on your bed together all day talking about nothing. You read and dance with the music up all the way draw all night laugh so hard and you stop, for one second you finally stop you don't contemplate who you are you just are, there is nothing else.

why do you stop me? It is like dying and living, waking and dreaming
loving and being alone

weekend of love

Things I want SO bad.

out n about in the neighborhood

If you stare at yourself for long enough in the mirror you forget what looking like even means.

I wake up on Kelseys couch and all the lights are out I'm freezing and feel sick, had too many strawberry margaritas and patrick made me some tea but I fell asleep and its sitting cold on the ottoman. I walk up the stairs feeling dizzy and shes making her bed nicks on the floor watching her. She gives me a ride home.

Meet Brenda at the echo to see fools gold play, me Nick and Kelsey meet Brenda and Meredith and Peter and we dance so hard it feels like we're in South America and Ive got my phone and credit card tucked in my boots and when we dance everyone around us starts to dance with us. I watch Brenda flip her blonde hair with that big smile and baggy sweater, ripped denim shorts and black biker boots. We walk back to her house sort of drunk and I smoke a cigarette sitting on her fire escape looking out over sunset BLVD she puts on the movie cant hardly wait and we talk about how awesome the 90s were and how no one makes fun ridiculous movies anymore. In the morning Peter and Emily pick me up and we go to the office.
David comes over and we eat dinner at Malo and I get pretty nervous it's really frustrating cause I hate when I'm that way, I just hate restaurants I wish there was somewhere with blankets on the ground and you didnt have to order anything you could just eat whatever is there and roll around on the pillows, and all they have is sushi and cupcakes and chocolate milk... OK so that sounds a bit excessive but it's perfect for me and I guess Im kinda wierd. We order tequila shots it feels like Ive been drinking too much lately. David has dark olive skin and dark hair brown puppy dog eyes and distinct bone structure he's very lovely and kind of silly but he akes me feel very comfortable being me which is rare to never, he reminds me of staring at a sparkler, when you close your eyes he is like echoes of light. We lay in the gazebo in my backyard and talk about death and my friend Anthony who died in a car accident a few days ago. We kiss and I could stay out there all night forever and ever.

Mark Hunter

I love Mark (AKA the cobra snake) we met on New Years Eve when I was 21, 5 years ago, he was about 17. He took pictures of me everywhere, we had so much fun. I love how he's gotten SO famous since then when it was polaroid scene. Here are some pics from over the years by him of me. I really miss seeing him all the time!