coyote cola

cab

2009-06-01T15:48:00.001-07:00

This is the moment that you know
That you told her that you loved her but you don't.
You touch her skin and then you think
That she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.
Yeah, she is beautiful but she don't mean a thing to me.

I spent two weeks in Silverlake
The California sun cascading down my face
There was a girl with light brown streaks
And she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.
Yeah she was beautiful but she didn't mean a thing to me.

Wanted to believe in all the words that i was speaking
As we moved together in the dark
And all the friends that i was telling
And all the playful misspellings
And every bite i gave you left a mark

Tiny vessels oozed into your neck
And formed the bruises
That you said you didn't want to fade
But they did and so did i that day

All i see are dark grey clouds
In the distance moving closer with every hour
So when you ask "was something wrong?"
That i think "you're damn right there is but we can't talk about it now.
No, we can't talk about it now."

So one last touch and then you'll go
And we'll pretend that it meant something so much more
But it was vile, and it was cheap
And you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me
Yeah you are beautiful but you don't mean a thing to me

why do you stop me

2009-05-20T16:20:00.000-07:00

Love is enough to make you stop. Why do you stop me? I like the feeling of writing all night, eating chocolate by the open window, summer night moon coating the paper as your hand sweeps it scratching messy cursive, pen bleeding into the book beneath. You realize when you're alone you can see everything and when the lights are off you don't sleep.
You put on red lipstick and drink cold beer try on everything in your closet check your phone a million times text all your friends write and write about what you think and see and dream.

I like the feeling of being together.
When he is there you become the writing. You put down the pen, the makeup. You lay on your bed together all day talking about nothing. You read and dance with the music up all the way draw all night laugh so hard and you stop, for one second you finally stop you don't contemplate who you are you just are, there is nothing else.

why do you stop me? It is like dying and living, waking and dreaming
loving and being alone

weekend of love

2009-05-18T13:07:00.001-07:00

Things I want SO bad.

2009-05-08T15:19:00.000-07:00

out n about in the neighborhood

2009-05-06T16:41:00.000-07:00

If you stare at yourself for long enough in the mirror you forget what looking like even means.

2009-04-29T17:44:00.000-07:00

I wake up on Kelseys couch and all the lights are out I'm freezing and feel sick, had too many strawberry margaritas and patrick made me some tea but I fell asleep and its sitting cold on the ottoman. I walk up the stairs feeling dizzy and shes making her bed nicks on the floor watching her. She gives me a ride home.

Meet Brenda at the echo to see fools gold play, me Nick and Kelsey meet Brenda and Meredith and Peter and we dance so hard it feels like we're in South America and Ive got my phone and credit card tucked in my boots and when we dance everyone around us starts to dance with us. I watch Brenda flip her blonde hair with that big smile and baggy sweater, ripped denim shorts and black biker boots. We walk back to her house sort of drunk and I smoke a cigarette sitting on her fire escape looking out over sunset BLVD she puts on the movie cant hardly wait and we talk about how awesome the 90s were and how no one makes fun ridiculous movies anymore. In the morning Peter and Emily pick me up and we go to the office.
David comes over and we eat dinner at Malo and I get pretty nervous it's really frustrating cause I hate when I'm that way, I just hate restaurants I wish there was somewhere with blankets on the ground and you didnt have to order anything you could just eat whatever is there and roll around on the pillows, and all they have is sushi and cupcakes and chocolate milk... OK so that sounds a bit excessive but it's perfect for me and I guess Im kinda wierd. We order tequila shots it feels like Ive been drinking too much lately. David has dark olive skin and dark hair brown puppy dog eyes and distinct bone structure he's very lovely and kind of silly but he akes me feel very comfortable being me which is rare to never, he reminds me of staring at a sparkler, when you close your eyes he is like echoes of light. We lay in the gazebo in my backyard and talk about death and my friend Anthony who died in a car accident a few days ago. We kiss and I could stay out there all night forever and ever.

Mark Hunter

2009-04-29T15:26:00.000-07:00

I love Mark (AKA the cobra snake) we met on New Years Eve when I was 21, 5 years ago, he was about 17. He took pictures of me everywhere, we had so much fun. I love how he's gotten SO famous since then when it was polaroid scene. Here are some pics from over the years by him of me. I really miss seeing him all the time!

Amy Smart, our illigitimate love child

2009-04-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

Janell and I concluded that if we were to have a child (say it was possible) it would pretty much be Amy Smart. If we ever all hung out it would be really confusing. Once, at Magic Mountain, I saw her and told her this. I'm surprised she did not run in terror.

ME
+
JANELL

ME AND JANELL

=

Amy

Tell me a story Toree

2009-04-15T16:08:00.001-07:00

Toree and I lived together for a year, we went to HighSchool in Santa Barbara along with my partner, Emily Faulstich, and our friend, singer Katy Perry. Creativity flowing out of that school!!

(Our Highschool WAS Varsity blues. Ughh)

Toree is not only gorgeous and lovely but she gets to work with exotic animals for movies. This includes taking them home to her apt on the weekends and bottle feeding them. Napping with them, loving them and basically making me extremely jealous. And she just booked abercrombie. Wow Toree, way to make us all feel bad. That's why I make her model for us in exchange for clothes, cause she loves me.

The First one is me painting her in cheetah spots for the playboy mansion halloween party.

Easter Sunday janells house

2009-04-13T19:03:00.003-07:00

headshots

2009-04-13T18:38:00.001-07:00

we shot these on Saturday

Doing Brendas Hair, Makeup and Headshots was SO fun! It makes me wanna do it all the time.

Came out very pretty

Kissing forever and ever and ever...

2009-04-10T17:25:00.001-07:00

I love when it is windy and you get energetic just by standing outside. I fell asleep in bed last night with the dogs stretched out next to me and my book in my hand dreamed of kissing David. woke up and a huge spider was crossing the wall. I smashed him with a book, screaming. Got ready for work (brushed teeth that's about it). Tried to take head shots of Brenda last night, but the camera died and we couldn't find the charger so I tried using my powershot and they just came out too grainy and not lit like headshots. So I thought I'd put them to use somehow, cause they are cute!

ideas and soda and acrylics

2009-04-06T20:01:00.001-07:00

There's nothing better than neon pink nails and denim jackets.
We get acrylics done like they was goin out of style

Pinky swear death kiss

2009-04-06T19:59:00.000-07:00

Franky and Flea got a new place on Los Feliz. It's making me cry with jealousy. Can I be rich and famous too?

Late in the evening

2009-04-06T19:56:00.000-07:00

and all the musics seeping through

Alissa and Kelsey

I am not your doll

2009-04-06T18:54:00.000-07:00

I've never been one to dress conventionally, you wont find any suitable formal wear in my closet, and I'm terrible at conforming to certain dress codes. Which is why it is nice to be single. I forgot this fact! Being in a relationship makes it hard to know what to wear, especially if the other person in the relationship is much more conservative when it comes to style. That crazy grey beanie with the long ear tail things that girl knit for you at the Emerge and see festival, the one you wore every day with your ever growing dreadlock and floral dresses just wont do anymore, not for outings with him.
How do guys even notice what you're wearing? My girlfriends hardly even notice!
I've never had that much of a problem with it, I think most guys get it when they meet me, "this chick is a lunatic dresser" and they either dig it...or they don't. I'd like to ask the ones that don't, please, don't try to date me... what I wear is really just an expression of who i am. Messy, restless, all over the place, creative and sometimes fake.

argument example number 1:

-Interesting outfit

-what?

-You know, just interesting.

-I love this dress!

-It's cool. Yeah. I guess (laughs not in a funny way)

-You do not think its cool. Why don't I just change then?
(me in closet ripping off dress and putting on a t shirt)

-No no not a T shirt! Just put the dress back on! Id rather have the dress!

-No, this is what you get now.

-Jesus.

-I made this T shirt, you dont like it?

-No I love it just not for tonight!

-What the hell is it like a dressup night?

-I just want you to look nice

-I look perfect.

So off we go to the party, me in T shirt him boiling in his seat and me, wishing I was wearing my cute dress that everybody always loves.

Argument 2:

Are you going to brush your hair?

I like my hair like this

Okaaaay...

What? It's cool!

Oh just let me brush it oh please

no way, you're not getting near me with that thing
(laps around couch chasing with horrible hair brush)

Oh kimberley please! PLEASE! Just make me happy, make your mother happy

Okay, that one was with my Mum and she did have a point. It needed to be brushed.

The night I met lambchops

2009-04-04T17:32:00.000-07:00

Music videos!

2009-04-04T17:21:00.000-07:00

this list by playboy of the top sexiest music videos is the best thing I've seen. I sat and watched every single one. Brenda is in an alternate version of one of Simion Mobil disco (the gluttony one) which I'm currently obsessed with and watching a million times over. WATCH THEM ALL you will die. It's soooo sexy. My favorite is def Simion mobil disco. Madonnas is also too hot for words, and I wish I was Shakira, her neighbor is so gorgeous! The song Tortura is soooo good.

01. Beyoncé ft Shakira - Beautiful Liar
02. Chris Isaak - Wicked Game
03. George Michael - Freedom 90
04. Skank - Garota Nacional
05. Madonna - Justify My Love
06. Robert Palmer - Addicted To Love
07. Pussycat Dolls & Snoop Dogg - Buttons
08. Rolling Stones - Se**x Drive
09. MSTRKRFT - Easy Love
10. Aerosmith - Crazy
11. Rihanna - Umbrella
12. White Stripes - I Just Don’t Know What To Do With Myself
13. Add (N) to X - Plug Me In
14. Beyoncé & Jay Z - Déjà Vu
15. Shakira y Alejandro Sanz - La Tortura
16. Jennifer Lopez - I’m Glad
17. Britney Spears- I'm A Slave 4 U
18. Christina Aguilera - Dirrty
19. Justin Timberlake - What Goes Around… Comes Around
20. Kylie Minogue - Spinning Around
21. Benni Benassi - Satisfaction
22. Duran Duran - Girls On Film
23. Khia, My Neck - My Back (Car Wash Version)
24. Ida Corr vs. Fedde Le Grand - Let Me Think About It
25. Jessica Simpson - These Boots Are Made For Walking
26. Eric Prydz - Call On Me
27. Simian Mobile Disco - Hustler

Nathan cooks dinner (and I drink too much wine)

2009-04-03T15:24:00.000-07:00

(photos by me, and sometimes other people)

Kelseys new place in Echo park is magical. Magical cats magical roommates floorboards love. Dancing on her bed playing really good music. Nathan is Australian, he made some amazing fried chicken.

At the office

2009-04-03T15:23:00.001-07:00

Draw all day, make perfect T shirts and labels.

Bikinis and purse

2009-04-03T15:20:00.002-07:00

( Kelseys counter, purse, bikinis, checkbook)

5 Fun things about living in Los Angeles:

1. Coyotes in the streets
2. carrying bikinis in your purse
3. Going barefoot
4. Silverlake
5. Whenever it rains it's exciting

I pods

2009-04-03T15:20:00.001-07:00

Kelsey always drives with her leg up

Brenda and I watch the craft

2009-04-03T15:14:00.000-07:00

At Brendas house the other night I stared out of the window at Sunset BLVD stretching out through echo park. I remembered walking to the bar with her, bachelorette party,she wore the flower daisy veil and looked like maid marrion from the disney movie Robin Hood. That was a year ago. I hear her in the kitchen pouring wine. She tells me about her audition tomorrow, we are gonna watch "the craft" for inspiration. That movie is more fantastic than anything. I swear my obsession with it goes far beyond any other movie. I met Faruza Balk once at Teddys nightclub. I told her how I loved the Worst Witch when I was little, and Return to Oz and how I just LOVED the craft. She gave me a huge smile and said, "oh thankyou! SOoo much! That is so sweet!"

Brenda sat down next to me on the couch and tucked her barefeet underneath her.

Jordan Catalano

2009-03-31T17:58:00.003-07:00

The thing is, having a crush on a completely fictional character from the 1990a is extremely fun. You know you'll never get anywhere with it, but it will never hurt and it will always be fun! The worse thing is when the fictional character is playing someone in High school... and you like him more.

Alicia

2009-03-31T17:58:00.001-07:00

Can I be you?

chocolate milk

2009-03-31T17:45:00.000-07:00

I'm standing in the kitchen drinking chocolate milk through a windy straw, wondering if Charlie is gonna call me. I don't really know him, he really doesn't know me, but it would be fun to escape my usual thoughts for a while. Stop thinking about painful things and weird next door neighbor drama. My girlfriends and I might go to Coachella and do a WGSN Wildfox story, I want that to happen but I I don't want to not go to New York with Michael. My Mother is coming to town on Friday and I want to look in the times to see fun things to do with her, maybe she'll meet someone.

Later in the night, after we've cleaned the entire house and changed all the furniture, we notice Havana our chihuaha is missing. We search for her all over the neighborhood screaming her name. I imagine her tiny body in the mouth of a hungry coyote (she would be a delicous muscly snack so it's not far fetched) Mer and I stand on the corner, helpless. Mer says "I've seen 2 coyotes right here before. We head back to the house, and it's a good thing we left the door open cause she's back, shaking on the floor, wagging her tail.

We go to the Ye Rustic inn and eat chicken wings with Kelsey and Nathan. He just moved here from Australia and used to host some program there. It's fun to imitate him.

Tonight...what to do? I think Britney Spears music videos and drawing.

bathtub

2009-03-31T11:25:00.001-07:00

Me and Cass, Las Vegas

Dont stand so

2009-03-31T11:24:00.001-07:00

Cass and David, Las Vegas

My Birthday

2009-03-31T11:23:00.002-07:00

The Observatory

2009-03-31T11:23:00.001-07:00

with Dad after the rain

Rustic

2009-03-31T11:22:00.001-07:00

Beach blonde

2009-03-30T18:18:00.001-07:00

Saturday Kelsey Cass and I decided to pack up the car and drive to Malibu. We sprawled out in bikinis on blue, hippy sheets and pink beach towels. Kelsey brought bananas for her "banana diet", I told them about banana peels secret power to draw splinters from your skin. Matt came and sat next to us. We made fun of Scott Kahns tiny hands as he ran out into the water with his surf board, and that time on mushrooms when I almost told him his feet were teeny weeny cause I thought they weren't ACTUALLY that small. We melted coconut oil and I read Dickinson poetry out loud.
On the way home we raced through the canyon, windows down blaring Panty Raid, sipping cola. Cass fell asleep in the back and we got stuck in traffic in the valley.

photos by me

sho and jo

2009-03-30T18:12:00.000-07:00

Thursday, Shoshanna and Joseph came to visit from Eugene, Oregon. It's always fun to be around teenagers, it makes me feel very happy. I wish my career involved counseling teens... maybe some day in the future. Sho is sooo 14, with that 14 year old attitude and perfect body. Joseph is the sweetest boy ever, he works in a tanning salon. They can both sing EXTREMELY well. I'm positive they'll both be very famous , the next Highschool musical stars.

We stayed at Jimmys near Mulholland drive. Jimmy was out of town and we hung out in the Bentley and walked up the hill to stare at the "juicy" house. "This is where one of the owners of Juicy Couture lives" We wondered why she hadn't designed her house as well as her clothing line.

coachella? Why so difficult.

2009-03-30T17:33:00.000-07:00

Coachella is around the corner. I know I have tickets coming my way this year but I have to decide between Coachella or my neighbors premier in New York. My neighbor is lovely and cute and fun but I don't know. It's really complicated. I wish things were so easy again, like when you were 7 and sold ugly ass painted rocks down by the bridge for 50p each. Those were the days...

witchcraft

2009-03-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

Today, Cassandra and I went shopping for some photo shoot things.
The shoot is vampire themed.
On Sunset BLVD, near my house, is a Mexican, witchcraft supply store.
The owner is a funny man, he speaks broken English and runs around the shop pointing at things saying, "Protection, you see, protection" he holds his fingers up like a cross. I pick out 5 cross necklaces, some black candles, dragons blood, some other spell oils, A witchcraft pendent, a homemade (dirty) $5 wooden cross, and Cass buys an entire jar of macaw feathers for $20. He adds up the items on a white paper bag, counting in Spanish then he says, "$98" and I ask for a receipt, he hands me the white paper bag scrawled with his addition. He points at me and asks, "Bruja?"

When I was 15 I used to walk to the library near my Dads house and check out all the books on Wicca, desperately trying to be unique or understand spirituality. It's funny how when we look back at things we realize how silly our choices and behavior must have appeared. It makes me wonder, do we still appear silly and immature? Are there only moments of silliness now as opposed to entire lives of it? I wonder what my Mother must have thought, watching Kristal and I pretend to smoke incense under a fort of over-sized clothes and chairs, wearing bikinis, on the front lawn. Did she smile and think, "Now there is a future fashion designer" or did she just secretly hope none of her friends pop round for a surprise visit, only to glance in on the 12 year old mess of make believe inappropriately exposed for the neighborhood?

Either way, being immature is pretty fun when you're in the moment, and I still make believe I'm a natural born witch... secretly of course.

March 17 09

On my Rayder

2009-03-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

Be bop bouncin in Los Feliz with Kelsey and Frankie

canyon girlfriends

2009-03-30T16:03:00.000-07:00

Kelsey got stuck in traffic and I watched a really bad HIlary Duff movie while Cass organized. I made Kelsey a mix CD of canyon songs for our "canyon excursion" She's moved into Adarshas room on Laurel Canyon and you can hear the cars go by outside. It's right next to the country store and I feel alive and magical sitting in her room. The house is a castle. We sort through boxes of her clothes and decide what to hang, fold and toss... and what to give to me. She is officially my substitute boyfriend as I find myself on dates with her quite often. Right now she is sorting the stuff out on the bed so we can go to sleep and I am writing. I watch her and pretend we are sitting inside a tent and outside we are coyotes and we stay up late into the night. I want to put on big furry boots and run through the hills here. It is almost fourth of July, I have to put together an outfit. Next week we leave for Oregon, We will play at the country fair and go crazy with love. Then we go to Bend and will hike around the lake and camp out. Then it is Emergen C festival. I hope it will all be so fun. Things I want to happen:

1. Meet new people who show me new worlds
2. Get tanner (wishful thinking)
3. Move into the big room (happening!! YAY!!)
4. Fall in love. Happen!
5. Sew costumes with Cass
6. take Stella to the best park ever
7. Go to Malibu soon
8. See Raleigh in Oregon
9. FInish the sample line with no complications
10. Make 1 million dollars this year
11. Tell Jimmy I love him
12. Propose to Kelsey
13. Have a party in the back yard with a bouncy castle
14. Learn more hula hoop tricks
15. Buy really really expensive shoes
16. HAVE A RELEASE PARTY
17. Watch the craft right now
18. Raise some money for PETA
19. Go to 3 Dodgers games
20. See sex and the city for a 3rd time with Cass

JULY 2008

heat wave in may

2009-03-30T16:02:00.001-07:00

We are having a major heat wave in Los Angeles. Everything is dry and hot and sticky as I hang up the phone with jimmy and put my bare legs on the cooler part of the comforter. I think about earlier in front of the children's hospital, waiting for a cab to go and meet Brenda and Drew at my house. I stood alone on Sunset BLVD watching traffic, white skirt, old T shirt, thinking about the future. "Will things feel less lonely?" I wondered. I don't have any answers. Stella is stretched out, belly up and I've got the fan up on high. All the windows in my rooms don't have screens, I'm sure the mosquitos will eat me alive. I say to Jimmy, "when we're done with this let's all go to Mexico and live on the beach for 12 years painting surfboards." He laughs with enthusiasm and honesty that I've only now come to know well. His trust is mine and I'm scared of everything I could lose. My room is a mess, I've spent the whole weekend out trying to escape the reality of life. I feel like I am too young for this stress, do all 25 year olds go through this? I'm starting to think it's a certain age feeling. You start to worry about your career and money and meeting someone and kids and true friends... and falling in love. Fall in love, our slogan. It's just too ironic.

I'm gonna try and sleep in this heat. Maybe I'll watch Gidget...

may 2007

Girls and perfume

2009-03-30T15:59:00.000-07:00

it smells like toast and floral perfume, the scent is almost colorful as I pass Toree who is painting a mermaid in the living room for her boyfriends surfboard. I put an artichoke in boiling water and outside the window air mixes pink and orange like tie dye in the sky of Silverlake. Upstairs Cassandra tip toes organizing candles as Ashley naps in her white down cloud bed. I stand on the roof patio looking at the pink water balloons in the kiddie pool that the girls threw into our neighbors party the night before.
If you could see happiness it would be dark wood wrapping around candle lit corners, thin floral gauze draped and spilling across the floor. It would be milk bubbling as you pour it into a large mixing bowl, animals quiet in the sun in the front yard, a brown beautiful back curled without covers on a hippie sheeted bed in the middle of summer. If you could see happiness it would be tie dyed- maybe in the back yard of your Dads friends party 12 years old wringing out your favorite white tee that’s soaked up all the easter colors you have separated into silver bowls. It would be crying and the tears would be that small pond you remember from when you were growing up.
The palm trees are pulled hard, dancing with the wind and the remains of girls sunning lay strewn about on lawn chairs and pink towels. We invite ourselves into our own beds on a Sunday, comforter covers in the wash I underline Weetzie Bat for Cassandra.
If love could be measured it would be elastic and ever changing. It would be a trip to the moon as far as the sun. It would be like a sick body temperature rising and falling.
I wish I could see everybody cry. Maybe then we would all be human for each other real life breaking, buckling. Vulnerability, rejection, loss, happiness... I don’t think I’ll ever see boys like I see girls. All different colors twisted together and lay out like the sky.

Mandy Moore

2009-03-30T15:57:00.001-07:00

the cat's in the garden, his fat wobbling as he paces across the grass. The tree is bare now that fall is here and I've just gone and made the horrific mistake of reading an old journal from the year of High school graduation and I'm feeling dreadfully regretful and insecure. It's fucking cold we've got the electric fire on and I've got this cough but I'm smoking a cigarette. I don't really smoke anymore.
It's frustrating when you compromise your belief system to fit within somebody else's ideals or agenda. You find yourself fighting the realist, the part of you that is very together.
Matt's at the show and I keep thinking about how he said Mandy Moore got fat and I'm looking at that stupid gray sweater he's wearing and it's too bad he's so good looking with comments like that. Erin says I can finish her drink and maybe I will because this place is tired and that journal is repeating itself in my head the desperation scrawled out in purple felt tip soaking into the lined paper screaming things I do not care to recall. I remind myself it's been 7 years and it is possible to change and i put my elbow on the wet counter and my cardigan mops up the excess liquor that's spilled from my glass. I look at the girls around me and they are very beautiful, really exquisite and my addiction to them. I want to quit everything cold turkey. I want to run away in a gypsy caravan and have no ties to my previous life. I want to have a bonfire and burn all my memories and predispositions I wan tto watch the smoke rise grey smoke spilling over the houses into the creases of the rooftops, carrying away all those lessons that make us who we are today. What if we could go back to a clean slate? 12 years old without any lessons would i feel less jaded? Less guilty about my stupid decisions? What is it about 18 year olds, it's like something just kicks in that says "be bad! BE BAD BE BAD! DO BAD THINGS" and your parents are so over it they cant even understand you anymore. As you get older that feeling dissipates and there is nothing left to do but live your life as this new person who's "learned lessons" Im beginning to think those lessons are worthless. Erin grabs my hand and we dance to the terrible swing band, she's so pretty you cant write about her or take a picture of her she reminds me of a Judy Blume novel, the character that all the girls want to be that's totally sweet but everybody is so crazy jealous of. But I dont feel jealous of these girls I am happy to be swinging around in their arms in their confident lovely worlds filled with free drinks, lists love friends cat calls blonde hair sweeping the room like it was Spain and the men wish their wives were just a little less plain.

summer love

2009-03-30T15:54:00.000-07:00

what is it? 8:00 on Tuesday night and Im watching Pride and Prejudice for the bazillionth time and Stella is asleep snoring next to me. What do I have to say? I wonder taking caution as I imagine maybe there are dragons behind the windows chinese decorative lights pour down and paint the wall with spots of red. I was walking the dogs, we ran accross the street avoiding traffic Echo park is covered in people at sunset and the fountain hits the lake as if it were trying to be beautiful but the cigarette butts and loaves of bread decomposing in it's green murky top speak otherwise.
"You remember what it's like"
"what? Falling in love?"
"Not falling in love, just that feeling, like needing something more"
"It's been a while."
Are these accusations? I don't want to be there again I'm not sure if it's the way the air feals or the hispanic children with their ice cream looking at the white girl with her dogs and long skirt. I'm not sure of any of it.
On my patio he is smoking again but it suits him like he's not even smoking and I kiss him and curl up in his lap this is what it was I think to myself. Or In the bathroom with my sister and she's talking about Dad and I wonder when she comes if I wont be able to let her go again and she'll cry at the airport and Dad will tear up and hug her. I'm 11 again saying goodbye. Moments to bring us full circle my head fills with thoughts and questions back on my bed. Leave for home tomorrow, hopefully Keith makes roast potatoes like Dad does.

November 20 2007

http://tijgermelk.blogspot.com/

Jenny is dead

2009-03-30T15:53:00.000-07:00

The heat is worse than when we left, maybe a million and one degrees out which is interesting to say the least. I walk into my backyard to check on Jenny but she's dead. The sun pulled the life out of her, she's curled up eyes open stiff inside her little plastic house. I don't bury her I'm sick of burying animals. I sit down by the pool and listen to the morning parrot that belongs to the neighbor. Little white lies fill my head I think of Vegas and how well it went and where I am now but it's all relative. I have a pouch around my neck and I'm emptying it into my hand and I'm in my mind against that wall staring into the mirror wondering why me and he sits across from me outside and has this weird half smile thing, he looks like a friend of mine and he's talking about something I don't really wanna hear but I pretend to listen cause he's so pretty. I see right through him and words fall from his tongue like soap they have no substance just little white lies little boys. My pool is pretty cold and I'm moving out of this house on Wednesday so I try to take it all in. We spend the weekend falling in pools and dancing at the Roosevelt. Our slumber party at the tree house turns awkward with Black and White cat stories and I trace the cross on Chris' back with my finger and we all fall asleep upstairs and wake up with sweat running down our faces. Juice mission through Pasadena and we're back at the pool watching back to the future on the projector and everything feels hot and lovely."
september 4 2007 blog, my hamsters death

hairline cracks

2009-03-30T15:49:00.000-07:00

"My heart is like a teacup coverd with hairline cracks. I feel like I have to walk real carefully so it wont get shaken and just all shatter and break... As the cab drives along the highway from the airport into manhatten I shake my wrist so that the skeletons on my charm bracelet do their bone jig. Looking up at all the big buildings and seeing the crowd scurrying along, I know what Weetzie meant about her nerves and the skeletons. New York is not a Weetzie city. Weetzie is a kid of the city where movies are made and it's always sunny, where Marilyns ghost rides up out of her spiky birdy footprints to dance on beams of light with red lacquer dragons in front of the chinese theatre, and james deans head star watches you at the observatory like a fallen star somebody found and put on a pedestal; a city where you can only tell the seasons by the peonies or pumpkins or poinsettias at the florists." -missing angel juan

picture http://tijgermelk.blogspot.com/

10 things

2009-03-30T15:44:00.000-07:00

10 things that will make everybody happy

1. Jaws while eating chocolate ice cream

2. Running through the rain without proper shoes or jacket.

3. National Geograhic (basically anything they do)

4. Kissing in the kitchen

5. Photo booth cramming

6. Vandalism (tagging etc.) especially if you never do it.

7. kittens when they haven't opened their eyes yet

8. dressing like a crazy person

9. Strawberry wine

10. Laughing till you cant breathe

Mr Darcy

2009-03-30T15:31:00.000-07:00

"The tumult of her mind, was now painfully great. She knew not how to support herself, and from actual weakness sat down and cried for half-an-hour. Her astonishment, as she reflected on what had passed, was increased by every review of it. That she should receive an offer of marriage from Mr. Darcy! That he should have been in love with her for so many months! So much in love as to wish to marry her in spite of all the objections which had made him prevent his friend's marrying her sister, and which must appear at least with equal force in his own case— was almost incredible! It was gratifying to have inspired unconsciously so strong an affection. But his pride, his abominable pride— his shameless avowal of what he had done with respect to Jane— his unpardonable assurance in acknowledging, though he could not justify it, and the unfeeling manner in which he had mentioned Mr. Wickham, his cruelty towards whom he had not attempted to deny, soon overcame the pity which the consideration of his attachment had for a moment excited."

What ever happened to eye contact? Let alone marriage proposals...

Los Angeles

2009-03-30T15:28:00.000-07:00